Click here to read my latest entry in the Writing Battle.
Genre: shipwrecked.
Character: outlaw.
Object: driftwood.
Word Count: 1,000 or less.
Seven-year-old Timmy created quite a scene on the dock in Tahiti. Even the seagulls seemed to stare at his meltdown.
“No!” Timmy shouted. “I want to stay with Robin.”
It took everything in me not to gather him in my arms and run for the catamaran. But I didn’t need that kind of trouble. I pried his skinny arms from around my neck and said, “Be a good boy. Go with your parents. I’ll see you soon.” I knew that wasn’t true, and it broke my heart. “I’ll save you the sea glass and seagull feathers I find.”
Timmy swiped away tears. “Don’t forget the driftwood. I like the little pieces.”
“I won’t forget.” How could I forget? We’d spent mornings combing the beach for what we called “our little treasures.”
“I’m sorry we have to leave,” Timmy’s father said. “Your catamaran is fantastic. Thanks for the tour.”
Timmy’s mother hugged me. “Robin, don’t forget you promised to come see us in Boston next month.”
A lump formed in my throat. I nodded and gave them a fake smile and a wave. I was still waving—but not smiling—when the family I’d grown to love left for the airport. We met two weeks earlier at the Four Seasons. They were staying in the overwater bungalow beside mine.
I walked back to the catamaran. As sad as I was, seeing my new vessel floating in the shimmering ocean gave me a little thrill. Sunlight reflected off the water like thousands of floating diamonds. Patrick helped me on board. He had a reputation as the most capable captain I could hire. He was certainly the most handsome and courteous; I made sure of that.
“Is everything okay?” Patrick asked.
I shook my head. “After my friends got an awful phone call, they had to leave. Timmy’s grandmother is sick. Sounds like it came on suddenly.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“I really wanted them to go with us, but I couldn’t talk them into staying.”
“Well, Ms. Hood, are you ready to head to Bora Bora?”
I managed to give him a weak smile. “Aye, aye, Captain.”
He smiled back, and his blue eyes sparkled like the sea. “I’ll cast off, and we’ll be on our way.”
I headed to the galley to finish stowing food and supplies. I’d been fine until the news about Timmy’s grandmother. I hadn’t expected to hear anything like that for at least another week. The overflowing liquor cabinet caught my attention. I poured myself red wine to calm my jitters, secured the cabinet, and headed to my cabin. The rest of the chores could wait.
I studied the book titles lining the wall beside the bed to take my mind off my worries. Besides stealing from wealthy clients, reading was my favorite way to pass the time. I’d been a financial advisor to some of the most successful people on the planet. I made them, and myself, even more prosperous. I was rich enough to live like them and donate to charities. That helped me sleep a little better at night.
I’d planned to retire, give up my life of crime, and sail around the world when a famous virologist called. Dr. Frank Nelson was worried about his finances and an impending pandemic. He told me a virus far more devastating than COVID-19 had been discovered. “Don’t tell anyone. We can’t spread panic.” It was time to put my plan in motion.
I didn’t want Patrick to know anything in case Dr. Nelson was wrong. Three days into our leisurely cruise, we couldn’t reach anyone on the radio. We hadn’t seen another vessel all day, and our cell phones weren’t functioning. I had to tell Patrick what little bit I knew about the virus. Once I started talking, every secret spilled out—including my real name.
I watched storm clouds fill his eyes. “I figured Robin Hood wasn’t really your name,” he said.
High wind hit the catamaran that night, swirling us like water down a drain after the anchor failed. Lightning fried the electrical system. The wind whipped the sails into the ocean. When the sun rose, we were beached on an island. Both hulls were damaged. We were bruised but otherwise healthy.
#
A month later, we’re still healthy and still on the island. Patrick enjoys fishing and hitting golf balls on the beach—a few end up in the ocean.
“Whitney, want some wine?”
I look up from the book I’m reading and nod. Eventually, we’ll run out of books, booze, and golf balls. Eventually, Patrick will probably kiss me. Or maybe I’ll kiss him.
I put the book down and reach for Timmy’s backpack. I found it the day after the storm. It comforts me to rummage through the left behind contents. I pull out a package of gummy worms containing one worm. I remember telling Timmy I’d never eaten a gummy worm. He insisted I try one. I’ll never forget how he laughed at the look on my face when I bit into the slimy, sugary candy.
Next out of the backpack is the Superman cape he wore during our beach walks. He insisted the cape helped him fly with the seagulls, but only when no one was watching.
There’s an unopened jar full of glitter and three feathers—one the size of my thumb. He’d found the feathers under driftwood shaped like a tiny angel wing. I remove the wing and run my finger around its rough edges. There’s also some pastel sea glass in the backpack. The last thing I remove is a Four Seasons brochure featuring a woman in a bikini. Timmy had drawn a handlebar mustache under her nose.
I like to imagine Timmy on a beach made of glitter, not sand. He’s wearing his Superman cape and eating all the gummy worms he wants.
I will find Timmy in Boston and return the treasures in his backpack someday. Hopefully, he won’t be flying with the seagulls.
#
"Books, Booze, and Balls" received an honorable mention in the Writing Battle Winter 2025 Flash Fiction Contest. I scored six points, but in order to advance, I needed seven points. Close, but no cigar this time. If you're interested in the feedback I received, it's below. Also, if you'd like to leave your own comments, you can do that at the bottom of this page. I appreciate all feedback and constructive criticism.
The following feedback is from your anonymous peers during the Swiss Rounds of the tournament. We have intentionally shuffled the order that the feedback is presented.
1.) What I liked about the story: I had to read this twice because the first time around, I did not get all the little nuances that hinted at what was going on. Robin and then Ms Hood - did not click. Timmy's grandmother getting sick and then the virologist - did not click. All very smoothly and intelligently introduced. Loved the overall flow and felt like you must have exceeded the word limit. But no, dead on. Most enjoyable, thank you. What I felt might need work with the story: I need to fill this section in so I just read it a third time to find something to moan about! I even checked you had your geography correct in the location of Tahiti and Bora Bora. You did, so no moan there. Ah! I spotted it. Patrick asks Whitney if she wants some wine. She never replies. Tut Tut. Glad I found something for this section!
2.) What I liked about the story: You've got some lovely descriptions in here and you've managed to pack a lot of story into this thousand words. I liked the depth of Robin/ Whitney, she was an interesting character to learn about and sounds like she has a fascinating past. I enjoyed the way your opening scene pulled me into the story and made me want to know more about the characters.
What I felt might need work with the story: I feel like you've tried to put a bit too much into this story and it's left the message or theme of the story feeling a bit confused for me. The melancholy tone, but not really having her (on the page) do anything to try and change the family's mind felt weird and then it was about her past and this info she'd gotten and then they were shipwrecked. And then back to a list of memories with this kid that I think your readers are going to assume is dead, but ending on a hopeful note. It just lacks some cohesion that I think stepping back and deciding what you really want your reader to feel, what you really want the story to be about, could really strengthen. Eg - (and I'm not saying this is how you should write it, or should have written it, just hoping an example might make what I'm saying clearer if you aren't sure) If you were to concentrate this story on the relationship between Robin and Timmy: you could start at the end, they're wrecked on the island, she's missing him, wishing she'd done things differently. Use the pieces to dip into her memories and really showcase the relationship they built, the tenderness or sweetness or whatever stands out to you about it, ending with her leaving on the ship. The backstory of her past and the virus could be scattered into the plot but wouldn't need to be (except enough for us to nail her as the outlaw character for WB purposes), but the focus would be the relationship between her and Timmy and her regret about parting from him. Making that front and centre then informs your language choices and how they build on each other to make the whole piece come together. That was a lot, I apologise, it's not because I think the story is bad, at all, it's because I see a lot of potential in it to be amazing. I hope this is useful for you. Best of luck in the battle!
3.) What I liked about the story: This is a well written story. The melancholic inner monolog of outlaw under the conviction of her own conscience is believable and familiar. The gummy worm was a nice touch. Your use of the prompts was natural. The outlaw wasn't cliche', she was likable in her remorse, human in her compassion and likably unlikeable in her character. Using few words you painted a poignant picture of what might be the end the world as we know it, in this virus and the shame that in such a situation the innocent parties, Timmy and his family, are those who likely suffer the most and villains however likable suffer to a much lesser extent while sipping wine and watching the sunset in the lap of luxury.
What I felt might need work with the story: I'd like to know what came of the virus and Timmy. I don't have much criticism for you. The outlaw, shipwreck and driftwood were all there and not forced. The superman cape was a nice touch.
4.) What I liked about the story: I love that the story flows easily from one scene to the next, starting with Timmy and his family and ending with Robin aka Whitney on the beach with Patrick.
What I felt might need work with the story: I think "I didn’t want Patrick to know anything" is redundant even though it is based on what Dr. Nelson said about not telling anyone to avoid panic. I suggest rewording the part about her not wanting Patrick to know so the reader will understand why Patrick didn't need to know about the possible pandemic. I also think she changed her mind about telling him rather quickly. I realize there is a word crunch. This brings me back to rewording the sentence where she doesn't want to tell Patrick. Changing the part about why she doesn't want to tell him based on the possibility of Dr. Nelson being wrong will smooth out the transition between her orders and her telling Patrick. It feels like there's more to the story which keeps readers invested to the very end.
5.) What I liked about the story: The story started out great. I like the characters that you created. The conversations between Robin and Timmy and Robin and Patrick were great and I felt like I was there listening to them. I love the line “swirling us like water down a drain,” I can picture that in my mind actually happening to the catamaran.
What I felt might need work with the story: The ending kind of lost me. I guess I was hoping for more of an adventure from Robin(Whitney) and Patrick once they were stuck on the island together. It is hard with a limited amount of words allowed to be able to get everything out on the page, but I feel the story was lacking an impactful ending for me.
6.) What I liked about the story: You do a good job of opening several doors that my curiosity wants to walk through. there are questions that keep the reader reading.
What I felt might need work with the story: there are questions that keep the the reader reading, yet at the end I still have some questions. was it necessary to introduce the bit about the deadly virus? if so what is it adding to the story? also you say that robin hood spends her time staling from rich families, what does a short scene of her stealing look like? by the end of the story I'm left wondering where was the conflict off what change was affected.
7.) What I liked about the story: I love that the mc feels "sketchy" almost from the get-go. I immediately did not trust her. (Also getting White Lotus vibes, and not mad about that at all). The slow reveal about phones and electrical things that stop working, the isolation as she knows what's probably happening outside their ship - it's very well done. "Eventually, we’ll run out of books, booze, and golf balls. Eventually, Patrick will probably kiss me. Or maybe I’ll kiss him." Love the way this is phrased so dispassionately. "I like to imagine Timmy on a beach made of glitter, not sand. He’s wearing his Superman cape and eating all the gummy worms he wants." Oh this is heartbreaking. I really appreciate the way you are precise and sparse with your words, cramming a lot of plot and movement into such a short wc.
What I felt might need work with the story: I do have some confusion as to when Whitney learned about the supervirus, and if she had anything to do with it other than being contacted out of the blue by a "famous virologist." That seems a little sus, tbh. Is there a larger conspiracy being hinted at here? It's unclear, and that makes me a bit uncomfortable. I anticipated the reveal that she's a criminal of sorts, but I could have used one or two more particulars as to the "how." Just saying she steals clients' money is a bit vague for me. I would have loved a couple examples of past crimes like "with the Robertsons, it was taking some off the top of their [something here]; the Browns were more complicated but I was still able to [insert sketchy thing]. I also think this could have been useful in contrasting her relationship with Timmy's family. I can't quite tell if she used his family as a mark or not, or if her love for Timmy caused her to change her mind. With that said, I do wish we could have gotten more about her relationship with Timmy. What made it so special? Was this the first time she formed a bond with a kid like that? Did he win her over with his big brown eyes? What's the special sauce here that has her tied up in knots? I feel so sad that Timmy's backpack got left behind, and I wonder how that could have happened (other than his family being in a rush). Is this a hint that he didn't even make it off Tahiti somehow? Regardless, it does feel a little bit anachronistic, and like you just needed a reason for Robin to have his things and reminisce about him, while also hinting that he likely did not survive. As for the driftwood prompt, it's mentioned twice, but I struggled to find it actually existing in your story. That's not a dealbreaker for me, but it feels like it would have been an easy thing to slot in as a tangible item instead of a mentioned one.
8.) What I liked about the story: I liked how nearly the plot tied together it's constituent details through structured revelation rather than blocky exposition. The protagonist was relatable in emotion and the descriptions of events were well done.
What I felt might need work with the story: The flippancy with which the protagonist and her backstory are introduced made the story feel less stable, less real. Understanding that the word count limit is low, introducing struggle to Whitney's history would have made it more relatable or believable. The description of how she got rich makes it sound like she sleeps easy because she helped the rich get richer, yet she chose Robin Hood as her moniker, which don't jive.
9.) What I liked about the story: I really liked Whitney/Robin's voice in this story - it's not a showy voice, but it's confident and consistent. I could read an entire novel of her adventures! (I'm not saying you should write that, but I wouldn't be mad if you did.) Lines like "Eventually, Patrick will probably kiss me. Or maybe I’ll kiss him." really cement her character for me. I also enjoyed your attention to detail, to specifics - the list of items in Timmy's backpack really helped bring both him and Whitney to life as characters.
What I felt might need work with the story: However... I found the structure a bit strange. We start with Timmy, then shift to Patrick, then there's all this backstory that doesn't actually connect to anything else except to tell us how Whitney ended up here, then there's a shipwreck with Patrick, but the final emotional beat is back to Timmy. If not for your need to make her an "outlaw," per the prompts, I think you could really cut all the backstory and what remained would be much tighter and flow better. Also I was pretty confused by the appearance of Timmy's backpack. I'm really sorry if I've missed something obvious but I don't understand exactly how she's come into possession of it. Did she have it all along and temporarily lose it in the storm? (I couldn't find evidence of him giving it to her.) Or did he lose it in the same storm that ended up stranding her with Patrick, and she only came upon it through sheer luck? (In that case, why is she so confident he's alive? Or is this misplaced confidence?) I really tried to figure this out and I am just stumped. It's unfortunate because the ending is my favorite passage in the story, but my lack of clarity around it leaves me feeling unresolved.
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